What's Going On? - Sista's We've Got To Do Better

What's Going On? Sista's We've Got To Do Better


Oh, what's going on

What's going on

Yeah, what's going on

Ah, what's going on


Marvin Gaye


Having sat down with my plate of barbeque ribs, I say  “what’s up my people?” to those seated at the table

Then I heard a voice respond: “I am NOT YOUR PEOPLE because you are white.”

Ohhhh! Really? Okay!!??

Within a blink of an eye, I played out a reaction in my mind.  It all seemed like it was in slow motion.

I gasped.  “WTF?”

I pulled back from the table, my body language saying, “WTF” is wrong with her.”

“Hmm,” I thought. “This is interesting.”  Truth be told, she had been looking at me funny all day. “She’s going through something,” I thought. “But F*** that. I still should just let her have it.”

The thoughts continued: “If I engage this heifer, the fun night will be over because she’s not going to like what I have to say.”  


Then it occurred to me that I need to just sit my ass down, take a breath, and love her. Because she is trippin!

My mind then made a quick adjustment, one where I was able to align with my spirit. A wave of steady calmness washed over me and I experienced focused stillness.

I adjusted my plate in front of me, looked her straight in the eyes, smiled and carried on.


You see, this is an example of the type of bullshit black folks do to emotionally hijack one another.

Honestly, this is not the first time I’ve encountered the projections of an insecure woman wanting to get something off of their chest. You know what I’m talking about, those who cowardly drop snide comments with a hint of shade to make their foulness smell sweet.

In those moments, it’s easy to get entangled in all of the reasons that a person may have a problem with me.  But the truth of the matter is, by choosing that path, I am placing myself into that person’s reality - Because I’m making up stories about what they may be thinking of me.

Sound exhausting?

Well, believe me, it is.

Sister friend, this imperfect, truth dweller ain’t got time for your nonsense. There was once a time, I would have given you my power. I might have popped off at the mouth to let you have it, or I might have turned that pain and frustration inwardly, questioning and doubting myself, suffering silently.


Now, after many hard lessons, I know who I am and I understand how I operate. - Thankfully, because girlfriend.....

I want to be free.

And my freedom starts first with MY MIND!  


Back to that encounter - When I chose stillness, when I chose to look you in the eyes - when I smiled, that was simply a nod signifying that “I see you boo”. My inner knowing was whispering me to me, "SHE IS YOU".


What I’ve learned is that during those occasions,  instead of me wanting to attack you and defend who I am, I’m actually more curious about your well being. I feel inclined to embrace you - just give you a hug and let you know that I understand. I am actually more curious about your pain, hoping that you’re getting some support around all that yuck brewing inside of you.


Sista’s try to play it off like none other. But the truth of the matter is, they are not happy.

Black women, what’s going on? Because we gotta do better.


You pretend you have it all together, but the reality is - you are a hot, volcanic mess. This is evident by the ways in which you project your hurt and unresolved trauma unjustly unto others.

Dare I even ask, “WTF is this about?”

We all have pain.

We are all consumed by life at some point.

And we always manage to bounce back.

Sure there are situations that may require us to learn a few more lessons along away. But at the end of the day, we manage to recover and keep on living.

We all have a responsibility to take care of ourselves and strive to become better human beings.

You don’t have to like your sister. You don’t even have to support her.

However, because “SHE IS YOU,” you may want to consider respecting her and sending her silent prayers, some positive energy, some love, and encouragement.


Can I get an AMEN?

The fact that you don’t understand her life or can’t get with it, doesn’t give you the license to tear her down.

Remember, she is YOU!

All of the nasty things that you say to yourself, may not be the story she is telling herself. Let her fully experience HER reality. Just as you have yours.

As you catch yourself feeling some type of way and wanting to cast judgment on your sister, ask yourself:

Where is this coming from?

Why am I having this reaction?

When was the first time I felt this way?

What do I tell myself when an incident like this occurs?

What do I believe about myself?

What do I choose to believe about myself now?


So sista’s,  let me give it to ya straight:

Acknowledging your own pain, and doing something about it will keep you from projecting your hurt and unresolved traumas onto other people.

Wouldn’t you agree that you deserve to be happy?

Isn’t it your deepest desire live freely?


Well, it begins with taking better care of yourself.


It begins with a decision to love yourself more than ever before.

It begins with you treating yourself as well as you’re treating your loved ones.

It begins with you fully expressing what you truly want.

It begins with you releasing all things that are no longer serving you.

It begins with you acknowledging that you are deeply connected and never alone.

It ALL begins with you, your mindset and your choices.


Black women, we have got to do better.

It is no longer acceptable to tear your sister down.


She is YOU! - That’s what’s really going on!

Desi Wenzel


About the Author:

Desi Wenzel is a Life Coach and Small Business Coach for women with online businesses. She helps overwhelmed, overworked superwomen find their joy, peace of mind, and passion for life and her business. As the result of participating in any of her live group coaching programs or transformational retreats, this powerful woman walks away feeling refreshed, renewed, energized, and ready to live her best life and rule her world. 

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